why didn't you poke me back
he wants to bone in the snuggie
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
