I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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