I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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