break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
