woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
