i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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