He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
