Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
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Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
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I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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