you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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