so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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