You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
