Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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