i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
