Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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