checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
