I wish I could teleport
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
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Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
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I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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