Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
