I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
