if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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