Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.

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These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Read it at the TFLN blog
(718): View more from New York

My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.

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(917): View more from New York City

I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.

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(765): View more from Indiana

Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is

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(330): View more from Ohio

I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT

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