I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..