Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex