We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So vagazzling was a success
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?