He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
