i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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