I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
