Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i believe in u and ur pee
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
