You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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