actually, I'm a sock model
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
