my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
