I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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