Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
