I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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