Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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