I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
