1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
