Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
