That's intense
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
