After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
