Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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