how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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