She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Is it penis luge time yet?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize