using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
