i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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