Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
