Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
