Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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