y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
