I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
