Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
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I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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