sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
