I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
you made out with another girl for some wings
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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