i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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