i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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