There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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