i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
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I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
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Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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