so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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