Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
