The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize