Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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