He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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