if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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