maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
