im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
