its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
