Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
