I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Drunk is a universal language darling
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
