Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
