Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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